Spiritual Strategies for Resistance; Or, How I'm Tricking Myself into Being Less of an Asshole

A few days ago, a car with a huge TRUMP/PENCE bumper sticker appeared in my neighborhood. A few weeks before that, a car with a Sons of the Confederacy sticker started parking in my spot. I would like to take lots and lots of credit for not leaving any snarky notes on either of these cars. I didn't rip the stickers off, or spit on them, or death glare their owners. These are all things I wanted to do, but I did not do. And eventually I grew a little annoyed at my inability to go high, or remain above, or generally not go into an internal rage about these cars. I found myself walking the dogs on a new path just so I could avoid the hot rage boiling up in my stomach. My rage at these cars (and their owners) wasn't affecting them; it was affecting me. And to repeat a refrain from last week's post, I do effing yoga! I meditate! So what gives?! It is deeply unfair that I have not completely mastered contemplative practices and transcendental meditation, that I have not, in short, become a completely different, non-violent, non-reactionary, non-judgmental person. How rude.

I can walk the other way to avoid seeing the offending cars in my neighborhood, but I cannot avoid seeing them in the parking lot at Target or driving in front of me on campus. This is central Florida after all. Walking the other way is really not a solution. So, I started doing a small thing every time I see a bumper sticker that would usually send me into a rage spiral: I started praying for its owner. When I am walking the dogs, and I see that TRUMP car, I mutter under my breath "Lord soften their hearts." When I am walking the dogs alone, this is fine and good. But, yesterday, I was walking to the campus parking garage with Matt and I saw a Hillary Liar Liar bumper sticker paired with a Trump sticker (oh the irony!), and, in the middle of my sentence, I said "Lord soften their hearts" and shook it off. This caused some confusion because I had been talking to Matt about how predatory academic publishing can be, and he thought I was talking about Academic publishers, and I guess that works too. Then, later last night, I saw a car covered in roughly 50 bumper stickers with everything from hate speech towards Obama and Hillary to slurs against all Liberals. You know the car. We've all seen this car. The "Lord soften their hearts" wasn't doing the trick so I just kept going: "Lord, soften their hearts, quicken their minds, improve their knowledge!" So, is this strategy a little pointed and self righteous? Oh yeah. Does it help to remind me of the humanity behind the bumper sticker? A little. Does it help me shift my rage response into something different, focusing my energies on my desire for more intelligence and kindness in the world? Yes.  And, if I'm lucky, maybe it will keep me from any car accidents caused by rage black outs.

Because I am naturally a bit of an asshole, a bitch, etc., this small act is about all I can manage on my own, so I listened to a Liturgists podcast I've been meaning to listen to in which they interview Christina Cleveland about spiritual strategies for healing and advocacy. Cleveland is a professor of reconciliation theology at Duke Divinity, and the Liturgists hosted a conversation with her post-election but pre-inauguration about how those that felt broken, dismayed, and bitter about the election could more forward. If you have a little over an hour and this is a topic that interests you, then I suggest you listen to it, because it was an amazing conversation. But, if not, I'll boil down some of the tips that I found so useful.

Cleveland, like me and so many of my colleagues, had to teach the morning after the election, and she entered a classroom of depressed, shocked, and terrified students that needed healing. These are the steps she led her students through, and the ones she recommends for all of us trying to cope with the grief and resentment and get to a better place: She began the class by allowing them to lament; they shared their collective grief, anger, and fears for the future. Then, she asked them to reflect on what God means to them and the goodness they still see in this world. Then, she borrowed a technique from AA practices called the Resentment Prayer. She asked her students to create a list of things that they want to pray for for themselves--good health, better relationships with loved ones, freedom from fear, etc.--then, after they had compiled their lists, she told them that they would be praying those things for Trump instead. She said, we are going to force ourselves to pray for this goodness in his life. After they were done with that, they did the same thing for Trump voters. Wow.

I don't know about you, but I was nowhere close to having any impulse to pray for Trump or those who voted for him on Nov. 9th. I still have a hard time praying for Trump. I'm convinced her students had the advantage over me because they didn't know what she was going to make them do. I know, so it's very easy for me to say that my "Resentment Prayer" for Trump is that he become more honest, mentally stable, and aware of the hate in his heart. While some of these things might be what I would also pray for for myself, I can obviously skew the list if I know I am going to make myself pray for Trump instead. Plus, I'll admit I do not want to pray for his health. Now, I do not exactly pray against his health, but I do feel small amounts of hope when I read about his atrocious dietary habits and distrust of exercise--like maybe nature will take its course. It's horrible, I know, and I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do. It is much easier for me to do this prayer technique with his supporters, and it has been so helpful in forcing me to recognize the humanity, the god-given potential (to borrow a phrase from Hillz), of even those I deeply disagree with. And someday I'm hoping to get to a point where I can pray for Trump's good health and mean it.

Another strategy that they discussed is making a list of the ways in which the Trump voters you know still do good in this world. One of the hosts said that it helps him to realize that the main difference between him and Trump voters is just his level of awareness and acknowledgement of these social issues. He (as a white man) is equally as complicit in the white supremacy that enabled Trump and many of his voters, but he, unlike them, recognizes it for the evil that it is. At the end of the day, many of their actions (good and evil) are pretty comparable. I've also found it super helpful to distinguish between policies and action when I am trying to overcome my resentment of the other side. One of the main recipients of my resentment and judgment is Conservative Christianity. I find so many of the beliefs of these churches abhorrent and offensive, and I blame them for allowing millions to think that somehow supporting the hateful treatment of the poor, the immigrant, the outcast can be a Christian stance. So, when I do this exercise, I list the good they do in this world regardless of their ideologies I find so toxic. For example, most conservative megachurches are heavily involved with food pantries and kitchens. They fund and volunteer at shelters, and lately they have become more involved in foster care and adoption. These are all causes I believe in too. It helps me to overcome my reactionary rage if I remind myself of the good these institutions are doing in this world, and how they can afford to help some of these situations in ways that I, and the smaller churches I attend, cannot. I then do this on a smaller level. For instance, one of the things I admire about X Trump voter who I am trying to soften my heart towards is that they easily maintain a friendly and welcoming stance towards strangers. They will give someone in need a ride, they will stop to say hello, they build relationships with their employees. I, on the other hand, avoid eye contact with as many humans as possible. So, in this way, X  Trump voter lives out their Christianity more authentically than me since I find it so hard to make my physical actions reflect the welcoming ideals I firmly believe in. It has helped me immensely to remember the ways in which I fail to live up to all of my values. It undercuts my tendency towards self-righteousness and indignation and reminds me to be humble in my assessment of others.

So, these are just some of the things that I do to try to trick myself into being less of an asshole. I pray for the hearts of the owners of offensive bumper stickers. I pray for all of the blessings that I would want for myself and my loved ones to fall on those I resent, and one day I hope to be able to do that with Trump. And I make lists--who doesn't love some good list making?--of the ways in which I fail to live by my values and the ways in which those I've been judging do embody some of those same values. I have no expectations that any of these practices will actually change the hearts and minds of those I oppose. My desire is that it will help soften my own heart and allow me to assume a more peaceful and contemplative stance towards others. I don't want to let the bastards grind me down, or lessen my humanity, or zap my emotional energies. And, the most optimistic part of me--which is a very tiny, minuscule piece--hopes that someone on the other side is doing the same thing.